waiting

i long for my boobs to hurt and my sense of smell to become heightened.

every day i find my self thinking - is this month going to be the month.

i'm totally addicted to mommy blogs - have i said that before?

one blog is written by a girl (i would say woman, but i feel like "woman" sounds so much older than we are, so i like to use girl) who is struggling with infertility. not only does she struggle with infertility, but her husband travels for weeks at a time, so if he's out of town while she's ovulating, it ends up being yet another month of waiting.

another blog i am following is about a girl who struggled with infertility for years and is now pregnant and due in may! yay! i enjoy reading about her pregnancy and reading about pregnancy is actually what turned me on to mommy blogs!

i would be lying if i didn't say that there are days when i wonder how long it's going to take us. i have faith and KNOW that this pregnancy will happen when the time is right. in God's time. not in our time. and that we WILL be blessed.

but the waiting? it's hard. and it's only been 3 months that we've been trying to conceive.

i just have to cast my fears and worries and wonder into the hands of the Lord and be still in knowing that our time will come.

St. Patrick's Day

(image via)

St. Patrick's Day has a special meaning.

It's the day that my mom found out she was pregnant with me.

It's the day that Steve and I celebrated our engagement with friends and family - and what's funny is that the shamrock plants that were used for decoration at the engagement party are still alive 4 years later!

And maybe, just MAYBE, it will be the day that we conceive a child.

Here's to a bit o' that luck o' the IRISH!

Slacker

I haven't been doing a good job at taking my pre-natal vitamins daily like I should be doing. I keep them in my desk drawer since work is where I spend most of my time, and I keep some in my purse as well, so in theory they are always with me. But even still, I can't seem to make myself take them every day! I know they are beneficial in keeping my body prepared for baby carrying and I want to carry a baby in my belly so bad - so why the slacking? I blame part of it on me wanting to have food in my stomach before taking them - in case it's overload and they make me feel sick. So maybe that is part of it. Who knows!

Steve and I have really been practicing hard at this baby making thing. I don't ever want it to seem like it's a chore or work, but I want to do everything we can to make this happen. I haven't relied on any kind of ovulation kits yet - that may come later. I know this will happen in God's timing.

I've been spotting since yesterday so I'm pretty sure we weren't successful in creating baby baum in february. TMI? Maybe. But who cares. This IS a blog about trying to conceive after all, right? But I do also think it could be implantation bleeding. BUT I'm pretty sure there's no baby baum in there. I haven't felt any symptoms.

So we carry on.

I did have a dream the other night that I delivered quadruplets. Is that a word? 4 babies. FOUR. Where in the WORLD did that come from? Lord help us if I get pregnant with 4 babies! Two? fine. Four? Yikes.

A Birth Story

I wanted to share this birth story b/c it's from the point of view of the mommy-to-be's "sister in love" as she calls her sister-in-law and add to the coolness that her sister in love is a photographer! I just enjoyed reading this journey and thought you may too!

http://www.tirzahphotography.com/2010/08/part-1-a-story-about-forest-kael/

Why the LOSS?

I'm so sad for my friend who I just blogged about being pregnant. She sent out an email on Friday that she lost the baby. My heart just breaks for her and her husband (and everyone affected by this loss). Pregnancy is so scary. It's so unknown. It's so magical but man, oh man...so uncertain.

Shift of gears real quick - I can't help but think that right now, in this moment, there are at least 2 other friends of mine trying to conceive a child - and there is a chance that we could all be pregnant at the same time. How fun would that be???

No More Breaks

We decided to take a break from trying to make a baby for just one month. We had only been trying for one month before we decided to take the break so I could party it up at girls weekend. In seeking some reassurance, I talked to a few friends about the decision, going back and forth with myself about if I was a bad person for choosing alcohol over pregnancy. Of course, ultimately, it was mine and Steve's decision and everyone I talked to agreed it was our decision but okay to do so if that is what we chose. But I always like a little reassurance.

A few weeks ago, I asked one of my friends who is usually my drinking buddy at girls weekend and who has been trying for a while to conceive their 2nd child, if there might be a reason why she wouldn't be drinking at girls weekend - hinting the obvious that there is a bun in the oven. Her reply was no, that she was trying not to get discouraged, but that after months of trying, there was still no baby.

Can you guess where this story is leading? She took a pregnancy test on Friday - the day we were leaving to go to the beach for Girls Weekend and guess what??? PREGNANT! It was one of those tests I've talked about previously that are not quite clear and it was a faint line, but it's not very common to get a false positive on a pregnancy test. She bought some tests that read pregnant/not pregnant and tested again on Saturday morning and it clearly read pregnant. Yay!! So it was odoul's and water for her at girls weekend and miller chill for me. I'm so excited for her!!!

So here Steve and I are again - jumping back on the baby making train. I'm excited we are for real trying again and I pray that the Lord will bless us with a baby in my belly soon!!!!! Fun times!