Book Error

Pregnancy tests aren't cheap. Digital pregnancy tests cost a little more than your standard "1 or 2 lines" and "negative or cross sign" tests, but for more certainty - Steve requested I go digital. So after taking a total of 3 "negative or cross sign" tests...1 showing a negative reading b/c I took it too soon and the other 2 showing a positive reading, I purchased a 5 pack of digitals for better confirmation. I took the digital test and the pregnancy was more clear - digital reading of PREGNANT came back that Saturday in September.

Just to be sure my body was still reading as pregnant - I took another digital 2 weeks later. It still read PREGNANT. Sadly, as we all know, I really wasn't anymore. :(

So that leaves 3 digitals and 1 "negative or cross sign" test left. Since I had to re-test yesterday, I chose to use digital. I peed on the stick, kept the stick facing down, capped it and then laid it on the bathroom counter. I stared at the blinking hour glass in anticipation - hoping the screen would read NOT PREGNANT. Instead I got a small picture of an open book and an arrow in the top right of the screen. What did that mean? I pulled out the instructions and they said that it was called a "book error" - an error in the test reading. I either didn't keep the stick facing down after peeing on it, didn't lay it flat on the counter, didn't hold it under my pee stream for 5 seconds or I peed too much or too little on the stick. I didn't think I did anything wrong, so I chalked it up to a wasted test (bummer - $ wasted) and decided I would re-test in the morning. I didn't have any pee left in me anyway.

So this morning I opened another digital (leaving me with only 1 digital and 1 "negative or cross sign" test) and peed on the stick. I decided to hop in the shower b/c what was the point in wasting precious time to start getting ready when the reading will be the same if I wait or if I carry on with my morning routine. After my shower, I glanced at the stick. NOT PREGNANT.

Whew. Relief. I think my mom was more worried about this reading than I was b/c she emailed me yesterday to remind me to let her know the results and reminded again me when we spoke on the phone on my way home from work. I was sure to email her last night to let her know I would be testing again in the AM due to the error and she called soon after I arrived at work - so I was able to confirm all was well.

Next step - a regular cycle and we'll be back on track to start trying to create life again. yay!

Pregnancy Re-test

Tonight I will take a pregnancy test to confirm it's negative reading and anxiously await my next cycle so that Steve and I can start trying for BB2. It's hard to believe that 3 weeks have already passed since my last visit to the doctor to confirm our pregnancy had terminated.

I'm looking forward to our next chance at pregnancy. And sending up many, many prayers that this next one is carried to term and a healthy baby baum is in our arms sooner rather than later.

Here's to trying to for #2...

Optimistic

Yesterday I had my follow-up OB appointment to make sure my body and therefore my uterus has rid the pregnancy. I got there right on time and only waited a few minutes before I was called back. I was asked to give a urine sample and wait for the nurse to prep the exam room. Once the room was ready I was asked to undress from the waist down. Dr. F came in and apologized that we were meeting under these circumstances. We talked about what my body had experienced since my visit the Monday before. We talked about how she doesn't feel my Factor V Leiden was an issue in this miscarriage b/c usually w/ Factor V, the pregnancies terminate further along in the pregnancy. She told me I didn't have to have a pelvic exam, that we could just do an ultrasound to confirm everything has been taken care of. Thank goodness - the ultrasound is invasive enough, although it's not as bad as a pelvic in my opinion! I got dressed and was taken to the ultrasound room. The room where my pregnancy was confirmed - how fitting. I undressed again and waited. I was told my urine was still testing positive for the pregnancy, but the doc said that is normal at this stage.

Dr. F confirmed that the baby/sac was gone, but there is still some lining in my uterus that my body needs to get rid of. I will retest at home in 2 weeks and I should get a negative reading. If I don't, then it's back to the doctor! But I'm optimistic that the test will read negative.

And then (where my optimism really comes into play) Dr. F said after I get my 1st period - we could start trying again! I thought for SURE we would have to wait about 3 months - for 3 cycles! Of course, we could start trying and it could take 3 or more months to conceive again, but still - we can start trying again sooner than I thought! I'm ecstatic!

Through this experience I've had so many friends who have been there for me to offer support and words of encouragement. Through my mom's church I met a number of women who have been through this. I found out last night that a co-worker is pregnant (almost 10 weeks) and I shared in the excitement when she shared the news on facebook. I also shared my story with her (not to scare her, but b/c I thought it was neat we were both pregnant at the same time, if only for a short time). She had a lot of questions that I was happy to answer. I'm an open book - I don't hide much from people. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Ask me something and I'll give you an answer and it will be an honest answer at that!

So here I am - anxious again for another date to test again (and optimistic). I never would have thought I would pray for a negative pregnancy test, but in this situation - i am. And I never thought I would be excited (and optimistic) to get my period  - but in this situation - I am. And I can't wait to get back on that baby-making wagon with Steve, as we try for Baby Baum 2 (and remain optimistic)!

Flowers from Karen

My friend Karen sent me flowers with a card that reads:

"Always know what a special person you are to me. I am very sorry for what you are going through, but I know that the special joy and happiness you want will come to you! Love Always, Karen"

I have the best friends EVER.

Oh the pain...

Today I am at work.

The pain has subsided.

But wow, how I was IN PAIN Monday & Tuesday. I do pray this is the only miscarriage I have to endure b/c it is not easy. 800 mg of Advil wasn't TOUCHING the pain I was going through.

I have great support from family and friends. And I wouldn't expect anything less.

My friend Genessa sent flowers - so darn sweet.

And my kitty Raja has comforted me during my many hours on the couch. Pets know when you're hurting.

There is always a reason

Well - sad news to report - baby baum stopped thriving at 7 weeks. So the extra 4 when I thought I was pregnant and growing a baby, I wasn't. But my body still thought I was and I kept eating like I was...

so I wanted to share the email I sent to my friends which sums up what has happened. Steve and I will get back on the baby making wagon as soon as we can and we are believing that a baby will be in our arms when the time is right.

Here is the email:
Hello Friends
I was really hoping this email would be on a happier note, but instead I have to share some sad news.

Back in September, Steve and I found out we were going to have a baby - due May 25th. I wanted to keep the news to ourselves until the common 12 week mark, although in hindsight, I'm thinking it really doesn't matter. This email was supposed to be our announcement of our pregnancy with a picture of the most recent ultrasound of baby baum, but as I'm sure you have all figured out by now, the outcome is not as happy and exciting.

Saturday I started having some mild cramping that led to more frequent cramping on Sunday accompanied with blood - not usually a good sign but sometimes ends up being okay. We had our 12 week appointment scheduled for Monday at 3:30pm, but as the cramping became more and more uncomfortable as Sunday night progressed, I ended up calling the on-call doctor at 3:30am. She told me I could come in 1st thing in the morning on Monday and get worked in, b/c it did, in fact, sound like I was miscarrying.

So Monday morning, Steve and I headed into Raleigh to the doc and we were worked in right away. The doc did an ultrasound and confirmed the baby had stopped growing and there was no heartbeat. The baby stopped growing the week after we went in for our 1st appt where we were able to see the heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor...but that little heart just stopped beating around 7 weeks.

Although this loss hurts, it is comforting to know that everything happens for a reason and God has a plan for us to have a baby when the time is right. I think seeing a blueberry sized baby on the ultrasound monitor made it just a little easier to process than seeing the profile of an 11 week baby and has helped in the healing, knowing we lost baby baum so early in the pregnancy. Of course no time is a good time to lose a baby and it will always hurt.

So next time, I'll probably inform you all that we got a positive pregnancy test and we'll move forward from there. :-) and you can share with us in the excitement and the unknowns and if we miscarry again, we will have you all there with us to help heal the hurt.

I took yesterday and today off of work, as I have decided to let the miscarriage run it's course with no surgery or medication to kick my body into high miscarry gear...it's been pretty uncomfortable and i'm relying heavily on advil, heating pads, lots of water and love from Steve and Mama Jo to help me get through this.

I look forward to our next opportunity to conceive a baby and although I know I will be fearful, I know that one day, we will have a beautiful baby baum to hold in our arms! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Love to you all!!
--
Erin

I will continue reporting on our road to conception and pray that our next baby makes it to full-term!

yay!

yay! steve can now go to the appointment on Monday. Thank you to his co-worker, Heather, for coming into work for 3 hrs so Steve can be there with me. He will have to go back in to close the golf shop, but at least he can be at the beginning of the appointment.

Baby Baum Bumpdate - 11 Weeks

Well - today I'm 11 weeks and 1 day - I can't believe i'm so close to ending the 1st trimester! I head to the doc on Monday for our 12 week appt (2 days shy of 12 weeks) and it looks like Steve will not be joining me on this visit, unfortunately! I'm hoping to be able to record the heartbeat on my phone. He feels pretty bad about it and I'm pretty sad he can't be there. But it will be okay - hopefully we get a new picture of BB since the last one BB was so tiny! BB went from the size of a prune to the size of a doggone lime in 1 week! holy cow.

thebump.com update

Baby's now the size of a lime!Your fetus currently enjoys a 1:1 ratio between body and head, and has skin so transparent that blood vessels show right through it. But fingers and toes are no longer webbed, and hair follicles, tooth buds, and nail beds are forming -- setting up a significantly more attractive future.

whattoexpect.com update

Week 11 of Pregnancy: Baby's Hair and Fingernails Develop

Slightly more than two inches long now and weighing about a third of an ounce, your fetus is growing by leaps and bounds when you are 11 weeks pregnant. And so is his or her head, which is equal in length to the rest of the body (don't worry — all fetuses are top-heavy).
 
On the crown of that large head (and over the rest of the body), hair follicles are forming. Fingernail and toenail beds begin to develop this week and by next week, the nails themselves will start to grow (so don't forget to add a baby nail clipper to your to-buy list).

Your baby's body is straightening and his or her torso is lengthening (sounds like a yoga pose, doesn't it?). Other poses your baby can assume now: stretches, somersaults, and forward rolls. And while you can't tell this baby's gender by its cover yet, testes are developing if it's a boy and ovaries if it's a girl.

2 sizes 2 big

Over the weekend, I went to the consignment store up the road from my house, on a mission for some pants that are bigger than my normal size b/c my body is not my normal size anymore and I want comfort!
I bought a pair of jeans, 3 sizes too big but in a "short" - so in my mind, they're only 2 sizes too big. And they're a little big - but they are comfy.

I also bought a pair of khaki pants - 2 sizes too big...again, a little big, but comfy.

Then I found a pair of grey dress pants - again, 2 sizes too big - but comfy!

Add to that 3 shirts/sweaters, 2 pairs of shoes and a gift for Mama Jo...and I walked outta there having spent $72. Guess that's not too bad for having purchased 9 items! law of averages is only $8 per item!

Today I'm wearing a pair of dress pants that are one size too big and usually hang on me, but whoo...these are snug. I probably won't wear these anymore after today - and i love these pants! I thought for sure they would fit me - easily! Not so much!

I'm trying to enjoy the fact that I'm packing on the pounds - it's for the baby anyway...but the transition is not so easy. I have so many pairs of jeans/pants that I just can't fit into and I really hate to rotate the 3 pairs of pants I bought over the weekend. I might be heading out for 2 more pairs of pants just so I'm not recycling the same pairs of pants during the week.